Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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