also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
