haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
