so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize