why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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