You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
