Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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