Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
