Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
