I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
