I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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