When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
