So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
