Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
