Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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