If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
