Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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