Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
