I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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