I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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