just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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