i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
