so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
