dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
