its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
