I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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