TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
