Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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