The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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