I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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