I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
