Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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