I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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