She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
