Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
