Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
