Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
honey bunches of taint.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
