well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
