it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
