the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
