im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Four minutes until I can fart!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
