Nicole vs. Life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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