Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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