We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
