There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
