Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
