OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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