Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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