When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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