Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
