I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
