After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
