who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
