I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
