I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
