He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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