I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
