You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
