My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
