Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
