frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize