Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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