When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's Friday. Sex?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
