Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
