Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
