can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
