our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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