Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
