I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
