cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
