Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
