Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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