You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
