You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
