I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
